


Have I Ever

by cariad_scribe



Series: Locked-down [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drinking Games, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Multi, Mutual Pining, basically me purging my lockdown feels in a fic, but they're also in denial, liv and rafa are in love, this is a lockdown series, won't be canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cariad_scribe/pseuds/cariad_scribe
Summary: The squad get more familiar with video calls, and as a result, each other.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins, Odafin "Fin" Tutuola/Phoebe Baker, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Series: Locked-down [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168718
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	Have I Ever

It had been two months since Olivia Benson’s living situation had changed so unexpectedly. Two months of trying to navigate, not only working from her bedroom, home-schooling Noah and getting the gist of masks and hand sanitizer, but also a whole other person mixed in with all of that.

Rafael Barba was, at least so far, a very easy house guest. He had the couch bed remade every morning by the time she woke up, had put himself in charge of the coffee machine (she always made it wrong, according to him) and tried his best not to leave too much paperwork lying around the living room.

Olivia could tell he still felt a little uncomfortable with being there- that given the choice, he would much rather not be in her way all of the time. And in an ideal world, he wouldn’t have to be sleeping on her couch, or delivering lessons to the small class of law students he’d taken on via a laptop webcam. She knew that, normally, Rafael was quite a private person who didn’t often let people into his life in such a physical way. He extended the same courtesy to his friends and colleagues; staying at her house, whilst a novelty, was not something either of them would have anticipated doing a few months prior.

But, in an ideal world, she wouldn’t have to sign off on paperwork from her bedroom, or call for warrants whilst folding laundry. That was just where they were, and Olivia was trying her hardest to make the best of the situation; to ease whatever tension might threaten to brew whilst they navigated their new lives around one another.

It was part of the reason why she’d agreed to Carisi’s suggestion a few days previous.

It had been one of the now somewhat rare days wherein she was allowed to physically go into work. Carisi needed her to prep for a court statement, so the two had met in an empty conference room- with the window wide open and the pair of them sat a few seats away from one another at the table. Though Olivia was obviously cautious to follow health and safety guidelines, for Noah’s sake if not nothing else, Carisi was struggling not to be highly affected by the risks. Something of a hypochondriac under normal circumstances, the detective-turned-lawyer was washing his hands so often they were beginning to chap.

“I think I got everything,” he told her, closing one of the files and capping his pen. “You don’t really need _me_ to tell you what to say in court.”

“You’re gonna do fine, Carisi.” she placated, placing a hand down on the table between them, careful not to actually touch him. “You got this.”

He nodded, but Olivia knew there would be at least three other panic-fuelled conversations before the trial ended. Carisi was far from stupid, but he very rarely nowadays believed in his own intelligence.

“I know. I’d say it’s just another case, but everything’s so different all of a sudden.” he explained. “The jury is all spaced out around the room; they got these plastic screens up. Makes me nervous, y’know?”

“Everything makes you nervous.” Olivia replied with a kind smile.

“I’d just feel better if the squad was able to come and watch like normal. I prefer having you all sat behind me.”

Olivia softened. Due to the nature of new social distancing rules, and the fact that court cases had been so backed up during this lockdown, only those who were needed on the day were allowed to come into the courtroom itself. The gallery had been closed off, so families, other police, and the press were forced to sit in another room and watch via a video link. Everything felt oddly empty.

“I get it. We’re all finding a new normal.”

It was a phrase countless people were stating at the moment; on TV, in work, on the school message boards. Olivia didn’t like saying it, but there wasn’t much else to say anymore. All other positive affirmations tended to fall flat.

The two of them gathered up their things, pulling coats and bags back on and filing out of the room at a distance. The corridors of the building were also unusually empty, because most people were tending to stick in their offices rather than mill about as they once had. They came to the lift and Carisi used his elbow to punch the call button.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Olivia made to leave, giving him a reassuring smile. He nodded, waiting for the lift doors to open. Then, just as she had stepped away, he spoke;

“Wait, Liv- I forgot!” She turned back. “Amanda’s keeps telling me to ask, she wanted to know if you’d wanna do one of those Zoom calls this weekend? Jesse’s been asking about Noah, and ‘cause the kids can’t get together right now…”

“Sure,” Olivia replied. “That sounds great, tell her I’ll call her about it later?”

Carisi nodded, stepping well aside to let people out of the lift that had just arrived. She waved to him once, then turned back to leave the building and make her way back home.

~~~~

“ _Mami_ , lift the iPad up. Tilt it _up_. No, that’s down, just move it up- all I can see are your eyebrows.”

“I spent good money on these eyebrows; you should feel lucky you’re seeing them at all.”

Rafael shook his head with a smile, waiting for his mother to adjust the iPad so the camera was actually pointing square at her face, rather than the top of her head and the ceiling fan above.

She was still in Miami, unable to fly back until she knew it was safer. She couldn’t go back into work right away anyway, and her friends were all too eager to keep her captive for the foreseeable.

“There we go,” Rafael cheered once he was looking at his mother’s face properly. “ _Cómo estás_?”

“ _Estoy bien_ ,” she replied, waving one hand around and not looking him in the eye. “Gloria and the girls are keeping me busy; book clubs, cooking, y’know.”

Rafael did know- he knew that it was not the kind of thing his mother would want to be busy doing right now. She wanted to be at home, working at her school and taking care of those close to her, rather than the other way around. He smiled tightly.

“That’s something. Everyone else ok down there? Everyone healthy?”

“Nobody’s healthy, Rafi.” Lucia corrected. “They’ve all got back pain, or bad knees, or hearts that are one more cup of coffee away from giving up entirely. But one’s caught Covid, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good.” he replied, resting his elbows on the table in front of him, where his laptop was. “As long as you’re keeping safe.”

“I got masks, don’t worry. Gloria’s sister is making them faster than anyone can keep up with. Though trying to get them not to go down to the store every day is a challenge.”

“I bet.” Rafael said. “Can you imagine what _Abuelita_ would have been like right now?”

“Oh god, don’t even start.” Lucia groaned, rolling her eyes. “I would’ve had to lock her up.”

Rafael smiled, thinking about his fiercely independent grandmother and how much she would have hated having to let other people get all her groceries and stop her from wandering into the other apartments to gossip like she used to. He missed her fiercely, but a part of him was grateful that she wasn’t around to be affected by all of this.

“Never mind all that,” his mother interrupted. “How are you? You’re still staying with Captain Benson?”

“Yes, _Mami_ , you know that I am.”

“And are you being a good guest? You’re not making her pick up after you are you?”

“ _Mami_ , please I am not fourteen anymore,” he argued. “I know how to not be an asshole.”

“I don’t know about that,” she raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. “But I don’t want Olivia thinking I raised someone who doesn’t know how to be tidy. Are you cooking? What does her son like to eat- maybe I could send you some things?”

“I’ll ask Liv,” he told her, already regretting beginning this conversation. “Don’t worry too much about it.”

Lucia paused for a moment, watching her son in a way that always unsettled him. There were only two people in his life who had a way of making him think they could see inside his head- one was his mother, and he was sitting in the other one’s living room.

“Her apartment doesn’t look all that big.” Lucia stated. “Where are you sleeping?”

Rafael’s jaw tightened, already anticipating where this was going.

“On the couch.”

“That can’t be so comfortable.”

“It folds out,” he bit back. “It’s not a problem.”

“Never said it was.” she replied, looking at him with wide, scheming eyes. “Is there just the one bathroom?”

“ _Mami_ ,”

“What? I remember what it was like sharing a bathroom with you Rafi, you take so long!” She was enjoying teasing him. “Is Olivia ok with you sharing her shower?”

“ _Mami_!” he snapped, face tinged red with anger and embarrassment. “ _Por_ _favour_ , don’t be obscene.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” she replied, laughing a little. “I’m just asking about how my son is doing, now that he’s living with a woman for the first time.”

“I used to live with Rita in college!”

“ _Señorita_ Calhoun doesn’t count.” she argued. Rafael remembered how the two women hadn’t ever really clicked, despite their similarities when it came to how little patience they had for him. “You once said Olivia Benson drove you a little crazy.”

“I’m beginning to think you all drive me a little crazy.” Rafael snapped again.

“It’s not the same.” Lucia continued. “And you know it.”

Rafael couldn’t figure out how to argue with that. His mother knew him in a way no one else did- specifically, was the only person who knew exactly when he was lying.

“I’m not going to tell you what you want to hear.” he said eventually. “So just drop it.”

Lucia held her hands up, knowing when to quit.

“Fine, fine. Suit yourself _papito_. I’ll let it go.” She paused for a moment and then spoke again. “But you’re ok? You’re getting along?”

“Of course we are _Mami_.” Rafael sighed. “It’s all fine, I promise.”

“You’re not always that easy to get along with Rafi, so I’m just asking-,”

“Ok, I’m hanging up now!”

~~~~

Olivia sat on the couch, absentmindedly flicking through a magazine whilst she watched Noah chat happily away to Jesse via Zoom. She’d set him up with the iPad on the coffee table and he sat on his knees on the rug, sitting with his face much too close to the screen.

“Mom ordered me some masks off the computer; they’ve got Spider-Man on.” Noah explained to the little girl. “But yours are pretty!”

“ _Nonna_ Carisi made them for me!” Jesse replied. “I got two and Billie got two.”

Olivia knew that Carisi’s mother doted on her son’s goddaughters, and insisted on being called ‘ _nonna’,_ as it was easier for the girls to say than ‘ _Uncle Sonny’s mom_ ’. (Olivia also wondered if it was wishful thinking on the older woman’s part, that someday the girls might be considered her actual grandchildren.)

“Is Frannie there? Can I see her?”

Olivia listened as Jesse called out to the dog and then smiled when the kids giggled at her immediately dive-bombing Amanda’s laptop and knocking the screen. Noah was not so subtly hankering for a pet, but Olivia couldn’t figure out how one would fit in with their lifestyle right now. It gave her another wave of Mom-Guilt if she thought about it too much.

“Frannie, for god’s sake,” Amanda appeared on the screen, pushing the dog out of the way and making her sit. “Sorry Noah, she’s needs to go for a walk so she’s got all this energy, hasn’t she Jess?” The little blonde girl nodded her head.

“That’s ok, she’s funny!” Noah replied with a grin. “Hi Uncle Sonny!”

Olivia lifted her head to see Sonny appear in the background of the video call, a dish towel slung over his shoulder. He was at Amanda’s apartment more than his own normally, but with the pandemic it seemed as though he was practically living there. She wondered, at the back of her mind, if she might be getting disclosure paperwork on her desk soon- how that might affect their work in the future, whether Amanda would be able to speak in court with him as often as usual. A part of her wanted to just straight up ask them, but she knew they wouldn’t admit to anything even if she did- despite the evidence of their closeness staring her in the face currently.

The sound of Rafael running the sink in the bathroom made her realize she wasn’t one to talk.

“Hey Noah, how are you?” Sonny asked, coming to stand behind the sofa Jesse and Amanda were sitting on.

“I’m good!” he replied. “Are you cooking?”

“I was; I just finished doing the dishes. D’you like cannelloni?”

Noah looked to his mother, and shrugged a little.

“I don’t know. I never tried. I like spaghetti!”

Sonny nodded and laughed. 

“I know. I’ll make you some cannelloni and drop it off one day and then you can try it and tell me if you like it.” Noah’s expression brightened, excited by the prospect. “Jesse’s likes it, don’t you?”

“Yeah!” the little girl exclaimed. “Uncle Sonny’s good at cooking. Momma isn’t any good, so he does a lot.”

“Hey,” Amanda admonished, poking her daughter on the arm. “Who makes you pancakes on Saturdays?”

“Yeah, from a _box_.” Jesse argued, and it was so reminiscent of the way that Amanda spoke that Olivia couldn’t help but laugh.

Behind her, she felt the presence of Rafael, who had emerged from the bathroom after a shower. She could smell the scent of his shampoo from the couch- she wasn’t sure if that said more about the quality of the product, or her as a person, that she was able to so quickly pick up on it.

“Long time, no see Counsellor.” Amanda greeted Rafael, who despite his best efforts, was seen on the camera.

“Detective,” he nodded in reply- attempting to seem cool and aloof, but they all knew better. His smile was giving away that he was pleased to see her too.

“Hi Mr Rafael.” Jesse said, waving politely.

“Hello Jesse.” Rafael stepped closer to the sofa, so he could see her better. He didn’t know Amanda’s children as well as the others did, but Olivia remembered the way they had all sat together after her son was returned from Sheila’s clutches- he had sat on the floor and played with Noah and Jesse all evening, even allowing the little girl to place glittery stickers on his sweater without complaint.

“How’s staying with Liv working out for you?” Sonny asked him.

“Well I’ve yet to find any of those little chocolates on my pillow, so I guess I’ve stayed in better hotels.” he quipped, which earned him a whack on the arm from Olivia’s magazine.

The adults let Noah and Jesse talk for another hour, before telling them it was time for bed. Grumbling, the children agreed to say goodbye- both of them requesting their surrogate uncles read them a story, leaving Olivia and Amanda to talk alone in their separate living rooms.

“I’m going to hold Carisi to that cannelloni thing.”

“You should, I’ve never met anyone as passionate about pasta as him.” Amanda replied, leaning forward to pick up her beer bottle. She took a sip before continuing. “So how’s it going? Y’know, with Barba staying?”

“It’s all fine.” Olivia answered, really having no other way to describe the situation. “We’re all just…muddling along I guess. He’s got the classes to teach, Noah’s doing his school work in his room- I’m getting on with everything else.”

“It’s not awkward at all?”

Olivia tilted her head, a little confused.

“Why would it be awkward?”

“I don’t know,” Amanda mumbled, fiddling with the label of the beer bottle. “I know you guys are close, but it’s a big deal living together.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it that, he’s just like an extended house-guest.” Olivia argued.

“I guess, but you’re still, like, sharing a bathroom and stuff.” Amanda continued. “What if you accidentally walk in on each other when you’re in the shower, or something?”

Olivia tried not to think about what that situation might look like. It had been embarrassing enough when he saw her in her pyjamas, let alone any less than that. They’d been very careful so far to monitor the bathroom and dressing situation with the utmost care.

“We’re both adults Amanda; I don’t think it would be a problem.”

“You can tell yourself that,” Amanda informed her, eyes wide and serious all of a sudden. “But you’re both attractive people- no matter how good friends you are, seeing the other one all wet and soapy would definitely change things.”

Olivia felt her cheeks grow warm and turned her head slightly to make sure no one was coming back down the corridor from her son’s bedroom.

“Is this you speaking from experience?” Olivia retorted. Amanda just shrugged and looked at her friend with pouted her lips.

“Couldn’t possibly say.” she replied. “But I guarantee that you and Barba would not know how to deal with it if it happened. Your heads would explode.”

“Whose head would explode?” Rafael’s voice carried from the corridor.

Olivia cringed, felt her cheeks redden even further as he returned to the living room. She fixed Amanda with her fiercest glare, telepathically sending her the message that if she even so much as thought about telling him what they had been discussing then she would be on desk duty for the rest of time.

“Nothing. Just girl talk.” Amanda told Rafael, but Olivia could tell he didn’t trust the her. He turned away from the camera to get a drink of water- for Noah, if the Buzz Lightyear bottle was anything to go by. “Hey, we should do this again- just with the squad. Us, Fin and Phoebe; maybe Munch and Nick too?”

“It would be nice to catch up with everyone.” Olivia agreed, mentally calculating the last time she had actually spoken with some of her friends. It had been a while.

“I’ll sort it out- I know everyone else’ll only get confused trying to deal with the technology.” Amanda told them.

“Is that your way of telling us we’re old, detective?” Rafael asked her, screwing the lid shut on Noah’s water bottle.

“You wanna have _that_ discussion, with all that grey in your beard?”

Olivia bit her lip to stop the smile that threatened to appear, especially at the dangerous glint forming in Rafael’s eyes.

“Hmm, and that blonde is all natural obviously.”

“Alright, at ease.” Olivia warned, nipping whatever argument was about to start between the lawyer and the detective in the bud. “I play referee enough at work I don’t want to start doing it in my own home too.”

“I’ll speak to you tomorrow, Liv.” Amanda said around a laugh. “Let me know what day’s good for you to call everyone.”

“Will do. Goodnight Amanda.”

The detective ended the call, leaving the screen on Olivia’ iPad blank in her absence.

She yawned a little, picking up the iPad to turn it off completely before returning it to the drawer she kept it in under the TV. Noah had left out some toys earlier that day, which meant Rafael wouldn’t be able to pull out the couch bed unless she tidied them away now. She had meant to tell Noah to do it himself, but he’d been so happy to speak to Jesse she didn’t have the heart to nag him any further.

“I can do that,” Rafael told her once he returned from giving Noah his drink. “He’s waiting for you to tuck him in anyway.”

“Alright,” Olivia conceded, chucking one last toy car back into its box. “Just don’t leave me a bad review on Yelp. No chocolates, toys everywhere- I’d lose all my bookings.”

“Nobody listens to old men like me anyway.” he replied, with an over-dramatic sigh.

As she passed him on the way to Noah’s room, something compelled her to pause briefly and reach out to lightly touch the side of his face, where his dark beard was tinged with lighter shades of grey.

“Don’t listen to Amanda. I like the grey. Makes you look distinguished.”

She dropped her hand almost as soon as she had lifted it, turning away from him to go and wish her son goodnight. She wasn’t sure why she’d done it, but her hand tingled from the contact and she was mentally trying to store the way he had looked at her- surprised and yet not put off- in her memories forever.

~~~~

In the end, only Fin and Phoebe had been available to speak via Zoom. Nick had been enthusiastic, but the time that had been best for everyone else turned out to be right when he would be feeding the kids and then leaving for a night shift- what with the time difference in California- so he’d called a rain check and hoped to see them the next time.

Munch had outright refused to download the Zoom app, on account of the rumours that it was mining personal data and passing it on to suspicious third parties. When Fin had pointed out to him that pretty much every piece of technology was doing the same thing every day, the older man had simply replied “ _I rest my case_ ” and said he would speak to them over the phone like a normal person, or not at all.

Olivia and Amanda let the kids speak to one another briefly (Billie still didn’t quite understand how video calling worked, and got a little stressed about the fact that she couldn’t touch Noah like normal) before taking them both to bed so the adults could chat amongst themselves.

In the mothers’ absence, Fin introduced Phoebe to Rafael. The lawyer had heard of the woman of course, but their paths had yet to cross. She seemed straight-talking, but a little more open than Fin, which he supposed was the reason they worked as a couple. When Olivia returned, he handed her a glass of wine.

“Amanda not back yet?” she asked the group.

“Jesse’s not been sleeping great recently.” Sonny explained, leaning back against the sofa. “I think she’s a bit confused about everything still.”

“It’s hard for them,” Olivia agreed. “She’ll be alright.”

Sonny nodded, with an appreciative smile.

“She just needs to sleep through the night.” Sonny concluded.

“And how would you know she isn’t?” Fin teased him, with a look on his face that gave the impression he was spoiling for a fight. Olivia shared an amused grin with Rafael. It was painfully obvious to everyone else how besotted Sonny and Amanda were with each other- but seemingly not to them.

“Amanda told me,” he murmured in reply, his ears going red.

“Sure, sure.” Fin continued, his protective nature with regards to Amanda not currently outweighing his need to wind the other man up.

“Fin, leave the guy alone.” Phoebe admonished. “We’re supposed to be having a nice conversation.”

“This is what it’s like all the time Phoebe,” Olivia explained. “You just get used to it.”

“Or learn to tune it out.” Rafael added, leaning forward to grab a chocolate covered pretzel from the dish on the table in front of them and pop it in his mouth.

“Nice to see you too Barba.” Fin quipped. Rafael smiled and took a sip of his scotch.

~~~~

After Amanda returned, the group began chatting again. Talk initially started with work; their current caseload, how things were moving differently because of social distancing and the like. Sonny was eager to ask Rafael a dozen questions about Fordham, his old teachers and whether or not he was covering x, y and z in his lessons. Amanda eventually convinced him to give it a rest, clocking the exasperated expression on the other lawyer’s face at having his head examined once again by the ex-detective.

Olivia teased Fin about taking command in her absence, that he was finally putting that sergeant’s exam to good use. Phoebe was proud of her partner, but didn’t shy away from joining in with the light ribbing they were giving the man. All parties on the call had gathered a couple of drinks and snacks and were treating the evening as though it was one of their nights at the bar, rather than the odd, distanced video chat it actually was.

“This feels kinda like a high school slumber party,” Phoebe said as Fin handed her another beer. “We used to drive my parents nuts- talking all night, hogging the phone and trying to sneak booze.”

“Oh god, I used to get so wasted playing Never Have I Ever in high school.” Amanda said, already a little merry.

“I don’t think I ever played that game,” Olivia replied. (Though, the real truth was that she had never had a sleepover in high school- too embarrassed for the few friends she did have to see her mother drunk and belligerent.) “Did you?” she asked Rafael, who shrugged noncommittally.

“Same,” Fin added, reclining on his sofa next to Phoebe. “Not that I was a saint-,”

“I bet you weren’t.” Amanda interrupted. “I’m sure you were though.” She turned to Sonny, who bristled under her scrutiny.

“What?” 

“You- little Sunday school boy, I bet you were too busy in choir practice to be causing any kind of trouble.” Amanda explained, smiling at him cheekily.

“Hey, I was a bored teenager in Staten Island- I did stuff.” Sonny argued, gesturing with his beer bottle.

“We should play now!” Phoebe exclaimed.

“I’m looking up some questions,” Amanda announced, already tapping away on her phone with excitement.

“Seriously?” Rafael groaned. “What are we, teenagers?”

“C’mon counsellor, live a little.” Amanda told him. “The world’s on fire, might as well make the best of it.”

“It’ll be like a bonding experience.” Sonny argued.

“As a group, we’ve each been shot at, threatened, held hostage- not to mention hounded by the press and investigated multiple times.” Rafael continued. “Was that not enough of a bonding experience?”

“Just submit Barba,” Fin said, resting one arm along the back of his couch so that Phoebe could settle into his side. “Better to just agree with them.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. Olivia placed a sympathetic hand on his arm and smiled. The rest of them sat and waited whilst Amanda scrolled through the options on her phone until she found a list of questions she was satisfied with.

“Ok here we go. Carisi, you want to hear the rules before we start?” she teased. “Remember you drink if you _have_ done something.”

“Just get on with it,” he scowled, crossing one long leg across the other next to her on the couch.

“Alright. Ok, _‘never have I ever drunk texted an ex’_?”

Olivia sat still as she watched Amanda, Sonny and Phoebe all take a sip of their drinks. Fin and his partner shared a secret smile, making Olivia wonder if the drunk text in question was in any way significant to their rekindled relationship.

“Next one?” The group nodded at Amanda’s question. “Ok, _‘never have I ever played hooky from work’_?”

Once again, Amanda drank- along with Phoebe and Fin.

“Ok these two I’m not surprised by, but Phoebe?” Sonny questioned. She shrugged.

“Sometimes you just need a day.” she replied. “I just call and say I’m having cramps bad enough to make me want to die. The guy on the desk doesn’t ask any follow up questions.”

The group laughed. Olivia reached forward to refill her glass from the bottle beside it, despite not having drunk during the game yet. Amanda continued reading through the list on her phone.

“C’mon Amanda, give us something a bit juicer.” Fin complained. The blonde held her hands up, gesturing that that was what she was trying to do, before continuing;

“Here we go- _‘never have I ever kissed someone who was married’_?”

Phoebe drank (having to then explain to Fin that it was when she was working undercover a few years back), Amanda drank (and offered no explanation) and to everyone else’s great surprise, so did Rafael.

“Barba!” the blonde detective exclaimed, eyes wide. “I’m shocked.”

Sonny, for his part, looked lost for words. The fact that his mentor would be involved in any degree of infidelity didn’t sit right with him, clearly.

“So am I.” Olivia said to her friend, looking at him questioningly. He swallowed, peered at her from the corner of his eye and tensed his jaw. “Got a lot of skeletons in your closet there counsellor?”

He gave her a grim smile.

“It was a couple of years ago.” Olivia frowned, trying to think whether a couple of years meant before they started working together, or after. At her pondering expression, he lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you later.”

Warm with the knowledge that he was letting her in on that particular story, Olivia relented and turned back to the laptop where Amanda was already moving on to the next question.

“Alright, _‘never have I ever been thrown out of a bar or club’_?”

Once again, Amanda took a drink (reminding everyone of her earlier statement about easily she got wasted in high school playing this game), as well as Sonny and Rafael.

“Really, Dominick?” Amanda questioned.

“When I was in the Academy,” he answered. “Bar tender wouldn’t serve me when he found out I was a cop; I was young and angry, should have just let it go.”

The group chuckled, Amanda shaking her head at him before turning her attention to Rafael.

“I can’t imagine you getting aggressive enough to get thrown out of anywhere.” she told the lawyer.

“I don’t know,” Fin disputed. “You used to get pretty worked up in court sometimes.”

“What happened?” Olivia asked him, eager to hear more stories about her friend’s past that for some reason she didn’t already know.

Rafael sighed and balanced his glass of scotch on his knee.

“It was when I was at Harvard,” he began. “My second year, I think? A group of us went out 4th of July weekend. It was fine at first, then some pig-headed guy started hitting on one of our friends, wouldn’t take no for an answer. Me and my smart mouth started up-,”

“That I can believe.” Amanda muttered, earning a poke from Sonny.

“Anyway, the guy started spewing all this racist nonsense, telling me to go back to where I came from, I’m not really an American- y’know all the old classics. Things got heated, we got thrown out.” Rafael finished, shrugging his shoulders.

“That’s shitty,” Sonny replied, though it went without saying. Olivia gave Rafael a sympathetic smile, before encouraging Amanda to read out the next one.

“I mean this one isn’t gonna be that shocking with a bunch of cops, but _‘never have I ever punched someone in the face’_?”

Unsurprisingly, Fin, Phoebe, Amanda, Sonny and Olivia all took an extended swig of their respective drinks.

Stunning them again, so did Rafael.

“The plot thickens,” Olivia jested, looking at him with a warm smile. The combination of red wine and good, happy company was making her feel better than she had in a while. “Going to share with the class?”

“Nope.” he replied shortly, smiling himself now.

The game continued on for a little while longer, with the friends becoming steadily merrier and merrier as the drinking went on. Fin, Amanda and Olivia had stood someone up on a date, Carisi, to his shame, had been sick on public transport, and all of them had, on at least one occasion, lied to their boss. Amanda had skipped some of the more tame questions, claiming that it wouldn’t be that interesting to hear if any of them had dined and dashed or broken the law. (The latter of which would either be obvious, or legally a grey area for a group of people who worked in the jobs they did.)

“Ok last one,” Amanda announced, now reclining onto her couch with all the grace of someone who had been drinking all evening.

“Make it a good one; I don’t care about anyone’s broken bones or anything.” Fin told her, Phoebe leaning against his chest and huddling her nearly empty beer.

“Ok,” Amanda said after a few moments, her eyes glittering with mischief. Beside her, Olivia could feel Rafael groan quietly at the woman’s expression, knowing something bad was coming. “Y’all ready for this? _‘Never have I ever… said the wrong name in bed’_?”

Immediately Olivia tensed. _Of all the questions she could have asked_ , she thought to herself. _Why did it have to be that one?_ Caught in her own personal turmoil, Olivia only vaguely clocked Phoebe taking a self-conscious sip of her beer. Amanda was grinning to herself, inordinately pleased at the metaphorical hand grenade she had just thrown into the conversation and Carisi was simply shaking his head at the blonde woman’s enjoyment.

Olivia gripped the glass she had in her hand, staring down at the mouthful of red wine that was left in it- contemplating the repercussions if she continued to follow the rules of the game and drink.

“Liv?” Rafael’s concerned voice permeated her thoughts and she willed her cheeks not to redden.

Before she could stop herself- the effects of the already consumed alcohol mixing with the heady feeling of being included in a game she never had the chance to play as a kid- Olivia tipped the glass back and drained what was left of her wine.

“Nooo,” Amanda gasped, her eyes wide with glee at the revelation and sitting forward in her seat. “Seriously Liv?”

Olivia titled her head with a half-smile, half-grimace and tapped the glass down on the coffee table in front of her.

“Whatever the story behind that is, I don’t want to hear it.” Fin announced, waving his hands in surrender.

“Seconded.” Carisi agreed, frowning uncomfortably like he’d just found out that his parents were still regularly having sex.

“I should think not,” Phoebe told them all with a shocked laugh. “That woman is your superior officer.”

Olivia threw her a grateful expression and tried to ignore the fact that she could still feel Rafael’s eyes on her from the other end of the couch.

“Well _I_ want to hear it,” Amanda protested. When Olivia glared at her in warning, she sat back in her seat and sighed. “Fine, you can tell me another time.”

“Oh can I?” Olivia replied sarcastically. “How ‘bout I tell you all about desk duty too?”

Amanda narrowed her eyes, but still grinned. Olivia knew she probably wasn’t going to hear the end of it from the other detective, but decided to cross that bridge when she came to it. She had promised herself a long time ago that that particular embarrassment would be locked away in her mind until the day she died. No one needed to know. Least of all…

“Well, this has been fun,” Rafael spoke, placing his glass down on the other side of the laptop. “But some of us still have things to do tomorrow.”

“Barba’s right,” Phoebe agreed. “I’m tired Fin, and I’m getting to the age where my hangover’s last all weekend.”

The group agreed to call it a night, then spent the next ten minutes trying to say goodbye to one another (getting briefly distracted, as good friends are wont to do) before ending the video call on each of their individual devices.

Olivia shook her head at the antics of the evening, reaching to double check her email inbox before she turned the iPad off completely. She was aware of Rafael still sat on the couch next to her, his drink mostly gone.

“Amanda’ll have a headache in the morning.” Rafael stated.

“I think Sonny’ll have a bigger one,” Olivia replied, closing the case of the iPad. “Dealing with her hangover _and_ the girls waking up at god knows what time.”

“You sound sure he’s staying the night.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow at Rafael, a silent way of stating they both knew that was obvious. His mouth quirked upwards before he threw back the last of his scotch. The pair were silent for a moment, the sound of the clock on the cabinet across the room the only noise. It wasn’t awkward, for the most part. They used to be good at sitting comfortably together, not necessarily having the need to speak all the time.

But Olivia was still thinking about that damned game, and whether or not Rafael was trying to figure out what her story was. She hoped to god he didn’t, she’d never get over the embarrassment.

“It was Yelina.”

“What?”

For a moment she had forgotten everything else, was too focused on her own thoughts to fully compute what he was saying.

“The person…” he coughed, clearing his throat. “, _‘never have I ever kissed someone who was married’_? It was Yelina.”

“You don’t have to-,” Olivia began to protest. She didn’t know everything about Rafael’s history with his old friends, but she knew that there were parts of it that still stung.

“No, it’s fine. I did promise to tell you later.” he continued, shuffling himself on the couch to sit a little more upright. “It was just after Alex got himself in trouble, after he did that press conference saying it was all a set-up. I tried to wash my hands of him, of all of that, but one night, a couple of days later, Yelina came by my office again. You remember I said she thought it was personal?”

Olivia nodded, keeping her eyes on him so that he would know she was listening.

“She thought if she played nice, tried to… cozy up, I guess- that I would do something to make it all go away.” Rafael grimaced, gripping the edge of the arm of the couch tightly. “When we were kids I was kind of in love with her and she knew it; would have jumped off The Brooklyn Bridge if she asked me to. But she picked Alex. I never resented her for it; he was bigger than me, better looking. I wanted them to be happy. I suppose she thought that, even thirty years later, I still be the same.”

“That you’d still come running if she asked?” Olivia proposed. Rafael nodded.

“She kissed me. I pushed her away, gently. Reminded her that Alex had let us all down. She didn’t like that, but she realized she wasn’t going to get very far with me.” He sighed, shaking his head with something that was almost a laugh.

“You stuck to your guns.” Olivia stated, quietly proud of her friend. She knew it had been hard for him to walk away from such an old connection.

“Yeah well, there was a whole group of people ready to let me have it if I didn’t.” he said, turning to her with a smirk. “I was much more scared of all of you than I was of her, anymore.”

Olivia smiled at him, dropped her head down against the couch.

“Were we really that intimidating?”

“Immeasurably so.” he replied, with mock seriousness. Olivia paused for a moment and then spoke again.

“What about the punch?” she questioned. “Who was that?”

“You ask as though you only expect there to be one answer.”

Olivia recoiled, surprised at his answer.

“Are you trying to tell me you’ve been in _multiple_ fights?” she asked him, not being able to help the amused grin spread across her face. “That Rafael Barba would lower himself to using his fists, rather than his many words?”

“Because I’m a lover not a fighter?” he replied sarcastically, and the way he looked while saying it- salt and pepper beard and scotch-fuelled good humour- made Olivia’s stomach do a small somersault. “I was a mouthy kid growing up in _el barrio_ ; I got in my fair share of scraps. Of course Eddie was usually there to stick up for me, so I never really caused a lot of damage. But when I got to college things were a little different.”

“You’re weren’t a frat boy were you?”

“God no.” he protested. “But you’re on the right track. The punch I took a drink for was just before I graduated; I was walking with Rita through campus, some frat kid was drunk, heckling us. Shouting about me letting him take my girlfriend out, Rita shouted that she wasn’t my girlfriend. One thing led to another, I lost my temper- punched him in the face.”

“Just like that?”

“He might have called her an ugly bitch and said that I was a cuck, or something along those lines. If I didn’t punch him, Rita definitely would have.”

Olivia laughed, not doubting that in the slightest. Her smile softened as she looked at him.

“You really have always been a feminist icon, haven’t you?” He preened, saying nothing. “Though I have to admit- I’m a bit disappointed that all your stories involved standing up for a good cause. I was kind of hoping there’d be at least one of you just being a little bit badly behaved.”

Rafael’s eyes suddenly darkened, his mouth twitched with a playfulness she remembered seeing a great deal when they first starting working together. Her stomach did another somersault.

“Maybe I’ve got a couple of those too, who’s to say?” he replied. “I’ll share mine if you share yours.”

Olivia pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, feeling her cheeks warm under his gaze. Once again, she noticed that there wasn’t a great deal of space between them on the couch. If she wanted (and a part of her really, _really_ wanted) she could stretch out her arm and rest a hand on top of his. Would he pull away, or would he lean into the touch? Would she want him to, or was this all a fantasy being lubricated by a fun evening with their friends and the consumption of a little booze?

“Mommy!” Noah’s voice rang out through the apartment, snapping Olivia out of her thought process and reminding her exactly where they were at that moment in time. “ _Mommy_!”

“Coming, Noah.” Olivia called back, standing up from the sofa too quickly; making herself a little dizzy. She gathered herself, running a hand through her hair and spared Rafael one last look before making her way towards her son’s bedroom.

In the hallway, when she knew she was out of sight, she paused. Leaning against the wall, she took one long breath, rubbed her damp palms along the fabric of her jeans and shook her head- realizing suddenly how close she was to making a move that could not ever be taken back.

**Author's Note:**

> If you couldn't already tell, this one's about Zoom calls. I just wanted to write something where the adults could get a little merry and tease one another. Amanda's capacity for mischief won't be restricted just because they can't get together physically (much to Liv's eventual dismay).


End file.
